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Starving the Illness is a micro project inspired by Nez, the model, who in the past battled with bulimia for many years. Through self determination and ultimately self respect and self love she broke free of this illness. Others may not have such fortitude and there is no shame in seeking help. Below is a statement written by Nez.
Photographically, the series was shot from within a shower cubical and deliberately blurred to create a furtive, secretive and voyeuristic overtone.
“ I'm good , I'm happy..
This subject is about exploring hidden life of mental illnesses and eating disorders. Would I be so naive to think people assume someone living with an eating disorder, bulimia in this case just, want to lose weight? Maintaining a 'slim physique' is an element of the illness and can be or is a likely starting point for most people . Ultimately, it comes from a place within, you are not good enough as you are! My struggle with Bulimia lasted for 8 years on and off from age 15. Sometimes worse than others, lasting longer periods, this was dependant on how I was coping with life, habit, circumstances or how I thought I was 'perceived/ judged ' by others, feelings of worthlessness , even if I was feeling good. My relationship with how I felt and looked influenced whether I purged or not. Shame, disconnection, secrecy, abusing your body is only the tip of what is happening to your precious body when you FORCE the natural journey of food through the marvellous digestive system to regurgitate back up. It affects your entire being.It is painful experience, which over time you learn how to 'gently' force this process, if that makes any sense. Tears appear from the strain, bruised knuckles, acid enters the mouth, ulcers, disrupted menstrual cycle, heartburn, not to mention the mental torment. The purge begins as a reminder of your failure, the food is your comfort and enemy. I remembered that I love who I am, I remembered that hurting oneself is not an act of love.
With love, my relationship with my body has and continues to blossom into a beautiful strong connection that for years experienced shame, guilt, pain.” Nez 2019